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Work...Huck-HooWeee

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December 2008
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December 2nd, 2008

Alien Ukulele Music

self portrait
self portrait

So I have gone and done it I have bought myself a Ukulele. It is a Ohana Vita, a model made famous by Roy Smeck in the 30's I believe.

It was delivered from Berlin in Germany but was made in China. It is also known as the "clapping seal" model since the soundholes resemble seals at a circus.

It was as cheap as chips but regardless the whole instrument is made out of wood.

I think I fell in love with it for its shape and of all the ukulele videos on youtube the Ohana Vita had the sweetest tone.

So why buy a ukulele? Well It was all Big Al Davis's fault. He made me do it, when I heard him performing a Peter Sellers song.

It seems to me that the Ukulele is made and designed to play happy music, but if you follow the Bosko and Honey Ukulele Safari you realise that it belongs to a musical subculture within Europe. Perhaps the most well know Ukulele player from the UK was George Formby whose songs were a little bit risque, George Harrison of Beatles fame was a great fan of Formby.

However when it comes to the home of the Ukulele then you have to go to Hawaii and perhaps the most famous and "biggest" exponent is Iz

This model of Ukulele is called Ohana which I understand to mean "Family" or no one gets left behind. That is a good thought since having bought it I will now have to learn to play it.

Then of course there is the American Dream by Thassaly Lerner

© Published at 12:28 ( 0 comments / 83 visits )
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November 25, 2008

I'll never have that recipe again

Saint Mary's church Saffron Walden
Saint Mary's church Saffron Wa…

This is the interior of Saint Mary's church in Saffron Walden, About 400 years ago Saffron Walden was the main area in England for the production of the spice saffron.

Saffron originates from the stamens of the saffron crocus so next time you order saffron rice just remember it has been spiced by part of the reproductive organs of a flower.

dorste cathedral
dorste cathedral

Saffron at one time was more expensive than gold on a per gram basis

But this article is not about spices it is about recipes, or to be more precise manipulations of photographs with the Gimp plug-in Mathmap.



escher cathedral
escher cathedral
When I do manipulations of a photo it is usually a very haphazard business, more often than not I get an idea and try to work it out.

Most of the results I get are completely unsatisfactory and they never see the light of day because I can not achieve the effect I want with the software I have.

More often than not when I get an image that is visually pleasing to me I have no idea how I produced the image, and which parameters I set.

gargoyle cathedral
gargoyle cathedral

So I am left with the feeling that even if I wanted to recreate the same effect with a different image I would have no way of retracing my steps .

You see my computer is so slow that when I change parameters by moving the sliding scales within Mathmap, I never see any cnanges in the preview mode.

I get fed up waiting for something to happen so I just hit the OK button and hope for the best. The computer can then grind away for 15 minutes of a Dorste distortion, and sometimes I get lucky and it makes an image I like but there is a 10:1 ratio of failure to success.

It is just a pity that when success comes, I can never repeat it, cos I'll never have that recipe again.





© Published at 14:56 ( 1 comment / 73 visits )
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October 22, 2008

Haystack in the floods

Rain on the lake (diced and sliced)
Rain on the lake (diced and sl…

The Haystack in the Floods
by William Morris

Had she come all the way for this,
To part at last without a kiss?
Yea, had she borne the dirt and rain
That her own eyes might see him slain
Beside the haystack in the floods?

Along the dripping leafless woods,
The stirrup touching either shoe,
She rode astride as troopers do;
With kirtle kilted to her knee,
To which the mud splashed wretchedly;
And the wet dripped from every tree
Upon her head and heavy hair,
And on her eyelids broad and fair;
The tears and rain ran down her face.
By fits and starts they rode apace,
And very often was his place
Far off from her; he had to ride
Ahead, to see what might betide
When the roads crossed; and sometimes, when
There rose a murmuring from his men,
Had to turn back with promises;
Ah me! she had but little ease;
And often for pure doubt and dread
She sobbed, made giddy in the head
By the swift riding; while, for cold,
Her slender fingers scarce could hold
The wet reins; yea, and scarcely, too,
She felt the foot within her shoe
Against the stirrup: all for this,
To part at last without a kiss
Beside the haystack in the floods.

For when they neared that old soaked hay,
They saw across the only way
That Judas, Godmar, and the three
Red running lions dismally
Grinned from his pennon, under which,
In one straight line along the ditch,
They counted thirty heads.

So then,
While Robert turned round to his men,
She saw at once the wretched end,
And, stooping down, tried hard to rend
Her coif the wrong way from her head,
And hid her eyes; while Robert said:
"Nay, love, 'tis scarcely two to one,
At Poictiers where we made them run
So fast -why, sweet my love, good cheer.
The Gascon frontier is so near,
Nought after this."

But, "O," she said,
"My God! my God! I have to tread
The long way back without you; then
The court at Paris; those six men;
The gratings of the Chatelet;
The swift Seine on some rainy day
Like this, and people standing by,
And laughing, while my weak hands try
To recollect how strong men swim.
All this, or else a life with him,
For which I should be damned at last,
Would God that this next hour were past!"

He answered not, but cried his cry,
"St George for Marny!" cheerily;
And laid his hand upon her rein.
Alas! no man of all his train
Gave back that cheery cry again;
And, while for rage his thumb beat fast
Upon his sword-hilts, someone cast
About his neck a kerchief long,
And bound him.

Then they went along
To Godmar; who said: "Now, Jehane,
Your lover's life is on the wane
So fast, that, if this very hour
You yield not as my paramour,
He will not see the rain leave off -
Nay, keep your tongue from gibe and scoff,
Sir Robert, or I slay you now."

She laid her hand upon her brow,
Then gazed upon the palm, as though
She thought her forehead bled, and -"No"
She said, and turned her head away,
As there were nothing else to say,
And everything were settled: red
Grew Godmar's face from chin to head:
"Jehane, on yonder hill there stands
My castle, guarding well my lands:
What hinders me from taking you,
And doing that I list to do
To your fair wilful body, while
Your knight lies dead?"

A wicked smile
Wrinkled her face, her lips grew thin,
A long way out she thrust her chin:
"You know that I should strangle you
While you were sleeping; or bite through
Your throat, by God's help -ah!" she said,
"Lord Jesus, pity your poor maid!
For in such wise they hem me in,
I cannot choose but sin and sin,
Whatever happens: yet I think
They could not make me eat or drink,
And so should I just reach my rest."
"Nay, if you do not my behest,
O Jehane! though I love you well,"
Said Godmar,"would I fail to tell
All that I know." "Foul lies," she said.
"Eh? lies my Jehane? by God's head,
At Paris folks would deem them true!
Do you know, Jehane, they cry for you,
`Jehane the brown! Jehane the brown!
Give us Jehane to burn or drown!' -
Eh -gag me Robert! -sweet my friend,
This were indeed a piteous end
For those long fingers, and long feet,
And long neck, and smooth shoulders sweet;
An end that few men would forget
That saw it -So, an hour yet:
Consider, Jehane, which to take
Of life or death!"

So, scarce awake,
Dismounting, did she leave that place,
And totter some yards: with her face
Turned upward to the sky she lay,
Her head on a wet heap of hay,
And fell asleep: and while she slept,
And did not dream, the minutes crept
Round to the twelve again; but she,
Being waked at last, sighed quietly,
And strangely childlike came, and said:
"I will not." Straightway Godmar's head,
As though it hung on strong wires, turned
Most sharply round, and his face burned.

For Robert -both his eyes were dry,
He could not weep, but gloomily
He seemed to watch the rain; yea, too,
His lips were firm; he tried once more
To touch her lips; she reached out, sore
And vain desire so tortured them,
The poor grey lips, and now the hem
Of his sleeve brushed them.

With a start
Up Godmar rose, thrust them apart;
From Robert's throat he loosed the bands
Of silk and mail; the empty hands
Held out, she stood and gazed, and saw
The long bright blade without a flaw
Glide out from Godmar's sheath, his hand
In Robert's hair; she saw him bend
Back Robert's head; she saw him send
The thin steel down; the blow told well,
Right backward the knight Robert fell,
And moaned as dogs do, being half dead,
Unwitting, as I deem: so then
Godmar turned grinning to his men,
Who ran, some five or six, and beat
His head to pieces at their feet.

Then Godmar turned again and said:
"So, Jehane, the first fitte is read!
Take note, my lady, that your way
Lies backward to the Chatelet!"
She shook her head and gazed awhile
At her cold hands with a rueful smile,
As though this thing had made her mad.

This was the parting that they had
Beside the haystack in the floods.

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October 17, 2008

In bed with Hockney

In bed with Hockney
In bed with Hockney

I have been reading a book by David Hockney called Secret Knowledge the premise of which is thqt from about 1430 onwards artists and painters used mirrors and lenses to help them in both drawing and painting.

Much of his agrument concentrates on the fluidity in the folds of fabrics and carpets, or the intricate details and highlighting on suits of armour or chainmail. The detail on some of these old paintings is exquisite, almost photographic.

I was reading his book in bed and so I observed the folds in the blankets and the bedspead, and the patterns in the patchwork cushions, and I realised how difficult it would be to paint all the folds, and patterns in perspective.

But how easy it is to do that nowadays with a camera. So I snapped off six photos and made a Hockney style composite of them. It was then that I realised that for him to do Pearblossom Hwy with hundreds of polaroids is a phenomenal artistic achievement.

Hockney 4x4 shingle house
Hockney 4x4 shingle house

Pearblossom is an unframed collage but he also did many framed collages of his mother. This 3x3 collage of mine was hand made in Gimp and quite exacting so I can really appreciate the skill involved in doing a 7x7 framed collage.

But if you don't want to be bothered to do the work yourself then you can let a computer do a Hockney type manipulation on your photo








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October 16, 2008

Apophenia

[][][][][]
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I should have known. All the evidence was before my eyes. The skeptics have a word for it, apophenia. Apophenia is the experience of seeing patterns or connections in random or meaningless objects or happenings' A stoped clock will tell you the time somebody has died. The angle of an open safety pin is the exact time the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan.

Some people are always on the lookout for signs, and it rules their lives. Some people ignore the signs and just get on with living.

For those that look for signs they are always fearful that something bad will happen if they do not obey what the sign has indicated.

For those that ignore the signs they live to reget that they should have noticed the wet footprints on the marble floor, then they would not have slipped and cracked their skull open.

My wife, you see started by buying these fluffly toys, koala bears, kangaroos, Then it moved on to watching cricket on cable TV, and sitting naked on our leather couch drinking Foster's beer and Castlemains XXXX lager. I ignored the signs.

Then one day on returning from work on the dinner table was a plate of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and on another plate a perfectly cooked pancake.

I knew then and there that she had left me.

She is now working for a bankrupt bank in Iceland. She never did have a sense of geography, and I have never been any good at interperating signs.

© Published at 09:57 ( 1 comment / 64 visits )
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October 10, 2008

Funfair in the rain

Funfair in the rain #1
Funfair in the rain #1
Once a year the carnival came to town, and you used to save up your pocket money for this special event.

If you lived in a sleepy little town then the sudden arrival of the "shows" with flashing guady lights and loud pop music was something to quicken the beat of your heart.

Besides are the rides... the dodgems, the jungle ride, the cherry planes there was the smell of candyfloss, hotdogs and diesel in the air.

Funfair in the rain #4
Funfair in the rain #4
On a summers night the girls screamed as the Wurlitzer spun them around. They gave the eye, to the showmen with greasy teddyboy hairstyles, tight Levi jeans, and Marlon Brando leather jackets, as they jumped on the back of the dodgem cars to take the fares.

It was exciting just to watch the lights and the movement and listen to the barkers trying to entice customers to try to win a goldfish by throwing hoops over a wine bottle.

Funfair in the rain #5
Funfair in the rain #5
However there is nothing more sad than a carnival in the rain. The lights still blaze... it must cost a forture to keep them lit. The music still blares out in a woeful attempt to attract customers, but for the most part the machines stand motionless in the rain and people hurry past, heads bent into the wind.

Is it the credit crunch? Is it the weather? But these days there is not much fun at the funfair.

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October 8, 2008

Aurora Karamzin oaks

A toilet fit for the Czar of all the Russias
A toilet fit for the Czar of a…

Aurora Karamzin was supposed to get married to the love of her live and on the eve of the wedding her husband to be died. She was however married a couple of times and she was left a fortune by her first husband.

If you travel around Helsinki you will see many streets named after her, but recently in a Helsinki Sanomat article I came across reference to the place where she lived in Espoo called Träskända Manor Park,

It is in a bit of disrepair at the moment but there are plans to restore it to its former glory. I visited the park to take some pictures and what is more impressive than the building are the oak trees.

Age catches up with all of us even trees
Age catches up with all of us…

There is one tree there called "The Empress" which is over two hundred years old, and when walking through the grounds I came across two women who were gathering acorns. They worked for a plant nursery and hoped to grow "Aurora Karamzin oaks"

The ground is littered with acorns and I asked the older woman if I could have a few acorns to see if I could grow them. We talked briefly about the process of vernalization to get the acorns to sprout in the spring.

I really like the idea of having a Aurora Karamzim oak. My father had an oak in his garden and he often quoted the following words to me.

Bough of the Empress oak at Träskända Manor Park
Bough of the Empress oak at Tr…
"He that planteth a tree is a servent of God. He createth happiness for many generations. Faces that hath not seen him shall bless him"

I think that this is so true for Aurora Karamzim. She many be remembered by street names and the hospitals that she established, and for all the good that she has done, but it is the trees that she planted that still bring joy... at least to my heart.





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September 21, 2008

Celeb photography shoot out

Celeb photography shoot out between Jill Greenberg and John McCain

Cracked Portrait
Cracked Portrait

Round One
Greenberg unpacks her Nikon.
LO: That’s to be expected.
HC: I disagree. Greenberg by choosing a Nikon is setting the tone of the match,.. no nonsence, professional.
LO: Maybe she’s attempting to keep things civilized. Appealing to McCain preference for conservative values.

Round Two
McCain considers a choice of cowboby outfit or dark blue suit.
LO: That cowboby outfit is a tip of the hat towards WubbleU but if he puts that on Greenberg is going to make micemeat out of him.
HC: “I’m just glad you didn’t go with the Buzz Aldrin space-suit ” Greenberg jokes and theyshare a laugh.
LO: Just look at the speed Mccain is tying that half Windsor knot in his tie. He has Greenberg completely mesmerised.
HC: Yes it looks like the choice of formal dress is not something the Greenberg is comfortable with.

Round Three
Greenberg stets up some strobe lighting and three reflectors..
HC: Three reflectors!!!
LO: Surprises me as well, Howard.
HC: I’m beginning to suspect she is in awe of her opponent. Greenberg for all her bluster fears authority, especially if it has been elected. The three reflectors is her attempt to intimidate Mccain.
LO: And doesn’t wish to appear lightweight.
HC: Too much respect might cost her the match. If she let’s McCain dictate the pace,
Looking back over my shoulder
Looking back over my shoulder


Round Four
McCain has his makup artist apply some Rimmel foundation.
LO: Well, that’s something.
HC: Rimmel is way down market. I suppose McCain thinks that by applying this foundation it wil give him some street cred.. so Rimmel makes perfect sense.
LO: Yes, but Greenberg has used Rimmel by the case She might take offence that McCain is making subtle hints about her low class origins.

Rounds Five through Ten
Greenberg swaps to a Canon with a telephoto.
McCain tightens his tie to make his face go a senatorial red.
LO: We may well be here all night.
HC: It’s turning into a porno shoot. Greenberg has distanced herself from McCain by using the telephoto
LO: Yes with the Nikon she was getting in too close. It was getting a little too cozy. If you ask me. McCain thinks he’s at his local country club. He'll soon be expecting Greenberg to be scraping and bowing before him. Where is the Greenberg that made kids cry? That is the Greenberg we want to see.
HC: Here’s some movement! McCain gets to his feet to deliver a presidental acceptance speech: “My fellow Americans...”
LO: Oh that was a low blow and the presumption of it has got Greenberg riled.
HC: But she is reeling back from his oratory. She can't seem to click the shutter button on her Canon.
LO: Crafty McCain has he hypnotized with his weasel words.
HC: Greenberg snaps out of it and starts to snap, that motor dirve on the Canon must be running red hot.

two faced summabitch
two faced summabitch
Round Eleven
Greenberg takes out a Kodak disposable camera and a Russian Lomo
LO: Greenberg returns to her trailer park roots.
HC: Her lurid portrit style has leveled many opponents. If the high ultra contrast saturation doesn’t get them—
LO: The Lomo vignette will. McCain looks like a fish out of water. Mouth gaping, gasping for air, acceptance speech forgotten. I think it is the fact that the Lomo is Russian has made his step to falter.
HC: Looks like it is a 3:00 AM call for McCain and he has failed to deliver
LO: He tips off his high stool on the six count, and finishes on the nine. He retires to his corner for more make-up.
HC: McCain is livid! He flexes his hands, pushes the make-up artist to the side and seems to be applying the YSL lipstick by himself.
LO:Puce is not the best colour for his complexion
HC: Indeed...puce literally means "flea". It is speculated that it refers to the colour of a squashed flea or the colour of a flea full of blood. ...

I have not heard from you in such a long time
I have not heard from you in s…
Round Twelve
McCain returns with his comb-over teased out to a Prodigy twisted firestarter double mohawk and mis-applied lipstick that makes him look like a vampire.
HC: McCain is obviously going for the youth vote, but clearly the look is just not working for him. He rises to his feet to make another florid speech. The man loves his speeches.
LO: I suspect he’s trying to get Greenberg to stop and listen.
HC: This time Greenberg gets to her feet and cuts him off, saying: “Genius is the the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way. Which makes you an idiot.” She does a Lomo camera toss straight at McCain with the selftimer set to 2 seconds and hopes it will capture the frightened look on McCain's face. This is turning into a brawl!
LO: McCain ducks and the Lomo smashes into the strobe lighting. Sparks are flying everywhere
HC: Greenberg is for walking off the set. Age and experiance seems to have won the day.
LO: Greenberg lets loose another verbal barrage, saying, “I'll outlive you, and, by God, the out-takes from tthis session will see me comfortabley retired on a nice pension”
HC: McCain draws back as if to lunge. Then—what’s he doing?
LO: He’s unbuttoning his fly. Good God, he’s taking out his member!
HC: And pissing on Greenberg's equipment! “Snap that! you commie red-loving lesbo!” The ref steps in! He’s disqualifying McCain!
LO: A controversial finish! Greenberg wins by disqualification.

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August 13, 2008

Wild flower field

poppy #3
poppy #3
In Finland the various municipalities have the lovely habit of planting large swathes of wild flowers, and up near Espoonkeskus there is a huge tract devoted to poppies.

There are of course other flowers but it is the brilliant colours of the poppies that rule the roost at the moment.

Some years sunflowers are the major planting and I have also seen bands of blue lavender running along the sides of fields.

poppy #2
poppy #2

The great thing about it is that usually there is an announcement in the local newspapers which tells everybody the location of these flower fields and encourages people to go and pick the flowers for free.

Wordsworth was stoped in his tracks by a "host of golden daffodils" and you can imagine my delight when I came across these poppies. They were dancing.

 

Poppy #1
Poppy #1

Even the slightest breeze causes the stems to sway and the petals to flutter, so it is extremely difficult to do autobracketing and get three exposures of the same scene.

This is the reason why the photos look a bit fuzzy, but I sort of like them that way.

Sometimes I ask myself is it right an proper for a man to get so excited by flowers?

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August 12, 2008

Rowan trees

Rowan tree
Rowan tree
 Some things you must guard with care:


There are rowans in the dooryard;
Rowans in the yard are sacred,
Rowan branches too are holy
And the leaves upon the branches -
And the berries even holier.

 

Kalevala: Rune 23 - The teaching of the bride. 

 How fair wert thou in simmer time,
Wi' all thy clusters white.
How rich and gay thy autumn dress,
Wi' berries red and bright.
Oh thy fair stem were mony names
Which now nae mair I see,
But there engraven on my heart,
Forgot they ne'er can be.
Oh rowan tree.

Caroline Oliphant, Lady Nairn (1766-1845) "Oh Rowan tree"

 

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August 3rd, 2008

Roasting salmon on an open fire

roasting a side of salmon
roasting a side of salmon
If you buy salmon that has been cooked and smoked over an open fire then you can easily pay upwards of 30€ per kilo. If you do it yourself then you can get a good side of salmon from the Ahvenamaa islands for about 7€ per kilo.

To smoke and roast a side of salmon you need a good clean burning wood like birch and you should burn it until you have a bed of glowing charcoal.

Cook it with the skin side down, and it does not matter if the skin becomes crisp and charred since you won't be eating it anyway.

Salmon is a very oily fish and you will get melted fat dripping onto the fire. When the embers have died down turn the fish over and give the flesh side about 10 minutes over the open flame to give it a slightly charred color.

Do not over-cook it, If you can pick out an individual flake with a toothpick then the fish is cooked and ready to eat. Dress it down with sea salt, black pepper and some lemon juice and that is it,

Fishing for perch with Elli
Fishing for perch with Elli
Took my grand-daughter out in the boat on the lake to fish for perch. She caught 4 small perch, using a very light fiberglass rod equiped with a float, and using a worm of bait.

I caught 2 perch an one grayling, Just perfect for making Kalakukko which is a Finnish fish pie, or more correctly fish baked into a bread.

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July 26, 2008

Fishing

Fly fishing in Finland
Fly fishing in Finland
The most important lessons you will ever learn in life are the ones that you learn from fishing.

Those were the words from an 80 year old woman I picked up in my taxi.

The best times are to be had on a fishing boat on a lake when you are completely isolated from the rest of the world, and nobody can contact you.

Fishing gives you time for contemplation. There is beauty in the arc the fishing line makes as the cast is made.

fly fishing in Finland
fly fishing in Finland
Fishing teaches you patience and observation.

Fishing is mostly about waiting.

Fishing will help you delevop a fine sense of balance.

Most of the time spent fishing is devoted to other things than actually catching fish. Indeed on most days it is all about not catching fish.

Fishing makes you aware of the wind and the water, the clouds and the shade.

Fishing gets good air into your lungs, and takes you away from the telephone.

Try it sometime. It will teach you alot about yourself and what you cherish.

© Published at 16:06 ( 0 comments / 86 visits )
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July 22, 2008

I do like to be beside the seaside

Astrid Helsinki
Astrid Helsinki
There is something special about living near the sea. Part of the charm is the boats that you see on the water.

Sailing boats especially because they always speak to me of freedom. On a big boat you can use it as your home. It is also a method of transport, and you pay nothing for the wind.

When I was younger I sailed around the world a couple of times on my living room sofa. I tacked, I came about, I droped anchor, all in the safety of my living room.

The sea itself is rather unforgiving. You have rip tides that will push you onto rocks. High tides and low tides that leave you high and dry on the sands.

Peace street
Peace street
When it comes to boats it is perhaps best to observe them at rest in the harbour, and dream that they are waiting there to offer you and escape to a better life.

But believe me there is a great difference between the dream and the reality, so what I would advise is to breathe in the sea air.

Yes that is what I really like about the seaside it is the special quality of the air. It must be the ozone, that enriched oxygen, that makes your head spin and gives you crazy ideas about sailing off into the sunset

© Published at 10:32 ( 1 comment / 90 visits )
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July 13, 2008

Homegrown

Fenkol
Fenkol
The price of food is going up so it is good to be able to grow some of your own food. With me this is not a fad, not something to engage in because of an economic crises. I have been growing stuff all my life. I have a small plot at a community garden in Soukka. It is in a secluded clearing down by the sea, and even on the hotest of days there is a breeze blowing that keeps things fresh, and makes it easier to work.

Gardening is the perfect hobby for a Scotsman.

Egyptian beetroot
Egyptian beetroot

 

1) You do not need to pay any money to exercise in a gymnasium, you get all the exercise you need from digging and tilling and weeding.

2) No need to go to a solarium. If you work outside and the weather is good then you tan naturally.

3) You can eat everything you grow, and if you do some mental acrobatics you can easily imagine you are getting it all for free.

Peas klevdon wonder
Peas klevdon wonder

4) You meet the most interesting people and you can engage in a spot of barter, and swap potatoes from rhubarb.

5) You can learn new tips and tricks from fellow gardeners at the allotments, and don't need to go on expensive courses.

6) You observe the passage of time. The planting of a seed and the growth of the plant to maturity. Gardening has the ability to make you stop and look. That is a precious gift in this day and age.

Gardening is good.

© Published at 04:24 ( 2 comments / 114 visits )
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July 12, 2008

Solid

Finnish National Museum
Finnish National Museum

When I spend time in the library I like to look through books of old Finnish photographers and see if there are some images that I like.

If a photo really inspires me I will go to the exact location and try and reproduce the photo.

Sometimes you can do it, but sometimes trees have gone missing or you can't get a dog to pose for you with outstreached legs, like Sammallahti did.

However somethings are built out of granite and barring an earthquake or a bombing they last and remain the same. One such building the the Finnish National Museum and this is an attempt to take the same photo over again.

On the otherside of the street is Finlandia Hall which was designed by Alvar Aalto and the material originally used for it was white Italian marble, which proved to be quite unsuitable as a cladding material, since it did not take to well to the harsh Finnish winters. The marble plate buckled and warped... something to do with extremes of expansion and contraction.

I could never envision that the National museum built with massive Finnish granite would have similar problems.

Solid.

© Published at 06:15 ( 0 comments / 82 visits )
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July 11, 2008

God designs benches for the modern art museum

God falling back on his original rainbow design tries his hand at making a bench for the museum of modern art
God falling back on his origin…
When God was asked to design benches for the modern art museum in Helsinki he had a rummage through his blue prints and came up with an old design of his for a rainbow.

 

Now rainbows have stood the test of time. They have become iconic, and even the gay community have adopted the rainbow colour scheme. However for his rainbow bench God decided to go for plain white, since it is so functional.

 

The bench he said was designed to help people who may have problems in the lumber region of the lower back. You do not sit on this bench. You lie on it. Head towards one end and feet towards the other. It does wonders for the spine. It is also being marketed as a training bench for female models who have to drape themselves over cars at motor shows.

God designs a bench for sinners
God designs a bench for sinner…
Since he is also interest in the discomfort of sinners he has also designed a bench that is totally uncomfortable. If you try and sit on it, you just slide off.

 

It also has a totally unexpected function in that at random moments it flexes and changes from a "V" pointing downwards to a "V" pointing upwards.

The force is such that it has been compared to the ejector seat in a jet plane, and the obese and unsuspecting are catapaulted upwards onto the roof of Kaisma, the museaum of modern art.

Serves them right I say.

© Published at 16:13 ( 1 comment / 99 visits )
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July 4, 2008

Thoughts stolen from books and customers

I have not been bewildered by fluids or nakedness for a long time.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

The thinest string on my guitar has broken I will not replace it,

because buying a new string is such a cumbersome thing.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

There are no songs left in me. No notes to play or write.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

I cook, I eat, I work, I sleep, The sun observes me.

The clouds wink and nudge each other as I pass.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

Israel they say will bomb Iraq, and no coffee will be sold from Starbuck.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

Let them bomb, let the coffee bean rot.

I will content myself in my garden with a bottle of cold beer

that I have brewed for my own pleasure.

Home brew beer
Home brew beer

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

And if the Holy Ghost pays me a visit in my garden

I shall not be telling you about it. I will not breath a whisper.

If something has happened then look to a woman for a reason.

© Published at 16:05 ( 2 comments / 94 visits )
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June 28, 2008

Altered reality

Global warming
Global warming
The trouble with insider jokes is that you have to be an insider to get them. The worst thing about insider jokes is that they loose their impact and potency if you have to explain them.

If you have never been to Helsinki you might think this is a snap of a real location. It is not. There is no water in the senate square.

The boat and the church are about a 1Km apart and there is no way that the above photo could exist, except for the fact that global warming might take place an the water levels in the baltic rise about 20 meters.

The above photo is a composite of two different photos, the Lutheran cathedral which is a very well known landmark in Helsinki, and the old lighthouse boat the Relandersgrund which is now a cafe.

Polo in the senate square
Polo in the senate square
The inspration for making the composite was from a Strongbow advert which showed a polo match in the senate square with horses galloping across the cobbles. Once the Relandersgrund leaves perhaps there could even be some water polo.

** Bloody water polo... horses kept drowning on me **

© Published at 06:05 ( 0 comments / 95 visits )
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